Schmuck of the Month!
Congratulations to our first Schmuck of the Month winner, the Reverend
Jerry Falwell! Rev. Falwell earns this venerable distinction in ways
too numerous to recount on a server that limits me to 11 megabytes!
Most recently and notably, however, the Reverend accused the purple Teletubby,
heretofore known as "Tinky Winky," of being a homosexual because he's purple
(the universal colour of queerdom, as everyone knows), has an upside down
triangle on his head (the universal symbol of queerdom, as any good fag-hater
knows) and carries a purse (which all gays carry, of course!). Now,
whatever motivated the good Reverend to attack a show that makes Sesame
Street look like Jeopardy on the grounds that one of its characters might
be homosexual will probably never be known, but we could probably assume
it's because Tinky Winky, in all his gayness, must be spreading secret,
subliminal messages of homosexuality into the minds of vulnerable toddlers
all over the world, and we all know just how evil and horrible homosexuality
is! Reverend Falwell, you deserve our award more than anyone else
because of your undauntable, neverending crusade to show the world just
what a great schmuck you are!