~•~
June 1999
Jerry Falwell
Congratulations to our first Schmuck of the Month winner, the Reverend Jerry Falwell! Rev. Falwell earns this venerable distinction in ways too numerous to recount on a server that limits me to 11 megabytes! Most recently and notably, however, the Reverend accused the purple Teletubby, heretofore known as "Tinky Winky," of being a homosexual because he's purple (the universal colour of queerdom, as everyone knows), has an upside down triangle on his head (the universal symbol of queerdom, as any good fag-hater knows) and carries a purse (which all gays carry, of course!). Now, whatever motivated the good Reverend to attack a show that makes Sesame Street look like Jeopardy on the grounds that one of its characters might be homosexual will probably never be known, but we could probably assume it's because Tinky Winky, in all his gayness, must be spreading secret, subliminal messages of homosexuality into the minds of vulnerable toddlers all over the world, and we all know just how evil and horrible homosexuality is! Reverend Falwell, you deserve our award more than anyone else because of your undauntable, neverending crusade to show the world just what a great schmuck you are!