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September 1999
Ken Starr
Supposedly-Independent Counsel Ken Starr wasted some 50 million dollars of America's tax money chasing after one of the better Presidents of the century, trying to oust him because he: 1) made some questionable land dealings 20 years ago, which has nothing to do with his Presidency, and 2) diddled some ugly chicks behind his wife's back, which also has nothing to do with the Presidency. The only result so far of this 5 year, $50 million investigation has been the publication of a pornographic testimonial of the President's various sexual encounters, which somehow gave the usually anti-porn Republicans in Congress impotus to impeach, for the first time in history, an elected president. Fortunately, the Senate doesn't seem to be quite as blatantly stupid and deaf to the will of the electorate, so President Bubba remains where he is (albeit rather emasculated), free to try and keep the Congress from passing too many reckless electorate-pandering tax cuts and First Amendment-raping laws. After failing miserably with Monicagate and making a mockery of the entire legal process, Starr's still working on the original "scandal", Whitewater, and despite the fact that the Independent Counsel statute expired this summer, he's still chugging away. Despite the fact that his witch-hunting tactics backfired and probably made it much easier for Presidents to have little quirks that make them human, he's a Schmuck because he probably didn't intend it to work out that way.