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November 1999
Donald Trump
Billionaire real-estate mogul and egomaniac Donald Trump, a.k.a. The Donald, is considering running for President of the United States of America, which is pretty funny in itself. But if he did run, he says it'd be under the besmattered banner of the Reform Party, founded by another billionaire lunatic, H. Ross Perot, and populated by such other bizarroes like Republican-turncoat Pat "Heil Hitler" Buchanan and Minnesota Governor Jesse "The Body" Ventura. I probably don't have to point out that The Donald is little more than an obnoxious self-centered stuffed shirt who's considering running for President just because he's done pretty good in business, as if that automatically qualifies him to run the most powerful nation on earth. Well, why not? Steve Forbes seems to think so. Despite the fact that The Donald is an egotistical, irritating, pandering schmuck with a hairstyle that makes Sam Donaldson's toupée look good, I say let him run. With a year 2000 candidate pool that consists of people like Pat Buchanan and Steve Forbes, and possibly Jesse Ventura and even Warren Beatty, I say the more fruitcakes and lunatics, the better. Elections have become little more than entertainment anyway, like a circus that comes to town once every four years. With any luck, maybe third party candidates like Mr. Trump will split the vote enough so that the choice gets thrown to the House of Representatives, which will most assuredly lead to a Constitutional Amendment to dump the stupid, confusing, and useless Electoral College and revert to a true direct election system.